At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize