yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
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That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
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I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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