it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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