I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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