smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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