things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
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my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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