And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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