I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
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