this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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