im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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