so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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