i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
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You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize