1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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