you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize