STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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