p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
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I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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