I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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