I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
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She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
COCAINE IS GR8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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