I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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