so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
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I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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