I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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