fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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