if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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