he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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