I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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