I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize