My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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