You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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