and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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