your parents love me but you hate me
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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