my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize