If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
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... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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