just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
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He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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