I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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