I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize