Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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