Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
me + whiskey = a bad person
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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