I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize