I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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