I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize