I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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