My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize