What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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