I seem to have left my pride at pride
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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