Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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