New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize