If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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