I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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