I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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