i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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